*angelswastika's

2010-02-26T03:32:00.000-08:00

guess that i am gonna cry now, or, i have cried just now!
i don't know why i feel such a thing like this.
have never expected it before.
fyi, well, i hate sometimes.
the word 'sometimes' hurts me so.
so many reason to explain how it hurts.
you're not always with me in every single second.
sometimes i am alone.
when i am alone, i am thinking about things i hate.
you know i am not a positive-thinking girl.
i think about when you lied to me.
i think about something which might happen to us.
if you lie,
if you don't love me anymore,
or, if your love is just a fool.
maybe you always accompany me.
but, still, i can feel what i am thinking.

white horse - taylor swift

2010-02-26T03:27:00.000-08:00

well, i love this song a lot. listen to it almost everyday. makes me sad, reminds me of something :(

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holdin' on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should've known, I should've known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Maybe I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
My mistake I didnt know to be in love
you had to fight to have the upper hand.
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings;
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse,
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Whoa-Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.

hope you won't lie anymore. however, i still can't trust you until now..

you make me smile :)

2009-11-05T02:03:00.000-08:00

hahaha.. i really don't understand why i really want to make this note for you.. why i would write this much for you.. and why i like you so much ^^

maybe i love you because of your innocent face..
because of your innocent smile..
you always smile to me and you're able to make me smile every time i am sad or angry, you can change my sadness and anger become 'smile'.. your love and smile changed everything, thanks hunn :)
you should know more what i love about you, and what i always remember in my mind..
when every time i see you, you show me your biggest smile.. i really like your smile hunn ^^
then when i pretend to be mad at you, your face looks so funny and i like it too ^^
when you are beside me, i don't know whether you are nervous or what, but it is so funny that you don't ever dare to talk and just keep silent..
when i look in to your eyes, you also stare at me but then in a second you act like you are so shy or something..
when i leave you for some days and you said you miss me.. it really shows how you missed me so much, and i miss you so ^^
and this one is the part i love most.. when we saw a movie together last week.. in the cinema when i kissed your cheek and you could just do nothing.. i know that you were so nervous that you could just say nothing at all and you didn't even look at me.. it was so funny and it makes me always miss you ^^

you know those things could make me smile when i think of you.. even, i smiled a lot when i made this note.. thanks for the smiles you've given to me from the first time hunn.. i love you ^^

bday bday ;)

2009-09-15T07:53:00.000-07:00

waaa lama tidak tulis blog lage heheh. kangennya. hihi :)
sekolah baru segalanya pun baru, kelas baru teman baru lalala ;)
asiknya di sini, sekolah baru yang asik hihi hari hari berjalan dengan cepat. dari minggu ke minggu cepat sekali rasanya hahaha. gak kayak dolo di ND aduh suram sekali >.<
hihi one day after my birthday. i am so happy. senang sekali banyak yang ngucapin dan banyak surprise. hehe :):)
pertama pas tanggal 13 itu ngantuk sekali rasanya, jadi jam 10 udah mau tidur, tp gak bisa tidur huhu. akhirnya ketiduran juga dan nyalain alarm jam 11.55, kan mau bangun tuh jam 12 hihi. eh ternyata ga kebangun, krn salah nyalain, hrsnya jam 23.55! haha. dan malah kebangun gara2 koko, cici, ci iren, dan ko erick dateng kerumah. tiba2 ketok2 pintu kamar and woke me up hehe. dikasih surprise, kue chewy junior 12 buah dengan lilin 15 hehe (im 15 loh! :]). liat hp, widih yg sms banyak hehe. yg nelpon juga ada hehehe. :)
terus liat fb, widih banyak bgt notif, ada 24 hahaha. lalu jam 1 mao bobo, eh gakbisa bobo sampe jam 2 huhu. trs pas ud bobo, pagi2 bangun buka fb, eh notifnya 24 lage haha. trs sekolah, di sekolah ya gitu deh haha. pulang2 buka fb udah ada 101 notif -.- banyak banget sampe capek banget balesinnya haha. trs temen2 pd dtg kerumah, ahh senangnya pd kasih surprise. pd kasih kue blackforest sm kue keju heheh. foto2 dan segala macem. aku dikasih kado boneka sendal kero keroppi heheh senangnya warna ijo hihi. trs malemnya makan steak abuba, pulang2 malah ngrjn pr huhu.
aaah pokoknya it was a happy birthday! :)
thanks all, love you! <3

eurgh it's time to say goodbye :( FAREWELL

2009-07-03T11:50:00.000-07:00

perpisahan, sedih banget rasanya denger kata ini *lebay dikit*. tapi emang sedihh huhu. uda 2kali pisah ma temen2, waktu SD n sekarang. mungkin waktu SD gak gitu sedih ya karena SMP masih di ND, tp sekarang pindah ke BS jadi sedih nya lebih lebih lebih :(

perpisahan nya waktu itu di villa ratu, sukabumi. dari tanggal 15-16Juni 2009, kita stay disana 2hari satu malem.. hehe.. tempatnya lumayan asik sihh.. buat outdoor nya gede banget, ada tempat buat lesehan2 gitu, ada kolam berenang, ada lapangan buat maen bola, aula, dll..

pertama2 waktu tanggal 15 nya kita semua kumpul pagi pagi jam setengah 7 di sekolah, trs abis itu gak lama naik di bus.. panitia sih masih rada ribet ya karena harus angkut barang dan lain lain, huh.. trs gua kira uda beres, ternyata masih ada juga barang2 yg mesti ditaro di bus ckck. kita naik bus white horse loh haha, ada AC nya mantep cui.. hehe.. pokoknya bus 3 paling mantap dah.. anaknya asik2 semua, tu bus sampe rusuh banget hehe.. saking rusuhnya sampe gak bisa tdr.. haha.. randy, ciyin, gua, abet, kaer, tintin duduk nya di paling blakang, seru ui haha.. pas otw, ada barang2 di blakang yg jatoh gitu, gua sama tela sbg panita ya haruslah dengan terpaksa ngambil2in dan beresin sampe kepala kejedot berkali2.. huh..

kita sampe disana kira2 jam 10 gitu kali yah.. *lupa gua* hehe.. sampe2 disana turunin barang2 trs ngumpul di aula.. abs itu ke kmar dan caww makan siang, tp gua nya gak makan hehe.. abis itu pd ganti baju sgala macem, mau games.. hehe.. gamesnya mayan seru (dasar panitia narsis, haha).. serunta sih karena main lempar2an air, perang air tuh yg paling seru hehe.. walaupun jorokkk bangett nget nget karena pake air comberan wkwk.. (maaf teman2 hehe).. pas ada anak2 yg lg ist games, ada anak2 kurang kerjaan yg maen sedotan.. jd sedotan disambung2in sampe panjang gitu.. gila mereka emang.. haha.. abis games ada snack time gtu.. trs krn pd terlanjur basah, nyeburlah kita kita di kolam berenang.. sedih abis, konci kamar gua dibawa ma phel, jd mesti nunggu stengah jam apa 1 jam gitu gak mandi haha.. jd ngungsi dulu deh ke kmar abet.. hihi.. mn digodain pula ckck.. trs abis itu pd mandi segala macem.. abs itu makan malem.. dr situ kita siap2 buat prom deh.. hihi..

pas prom nya rada ga seru sih.. abs suster maunya pd duduk, jd ga seru deh.. pdhl klo kyk standing party kan lebih seru tuh.. aplg klo ada couple2an.. haha.. pas prom nya kita ada ND award gitu, sama ada yg perform2 gitu lah.. trakir2 sih cm kyk ucapan trimakasih buat guru ma suster.. gitu2 deh.. hihi..

yg seru tuh abis prom nya.. ada api unggun sm renungan.. jd api unggun dinyalain, trs kita dibacain renungan ma angel.. ttg gmn dulu kita semua dr awal kelas 7 sampe skrg kls 9, gitu2 deh.. pas renungan sih gak gt sedih, tp pas disetelin lagu semua tentang kita, nah itu bru deh gua nangis, sambil meluk ciyin.. hihi.. bnyk juga yg nangis, cowo juga mayan banyak yg nangis tuh hihi.. sedih bgt mesti pisah ma mereka,.. huhu.. but it's a choice i gotta take, i gotta move on.. hehe.. abis renungan, kyk kita disediain jagung ma sosis bakar gitu.. trs sm ada soft drinknya.. dipikir2 lucu juga, org abis nangis dikasih makanan, jd intinya kyk tuh makanan bisa bikin diem.. tp ada aja org yg makan sambil nangis.. haha.. kocak abis deh.. hihi..

selese itu, kita semua pd disuruh ke kamar buat gnti bju bobo n bobo.. tp nyatanya pd ga bobo tuh.. haha.. malah pd banyak yg maen.. nah yg mau gua ceritain ini BEST partnya nih, mesti di bold hehe..
jadi ceritanya gua sm phel mau maen ke tempat cowo, si phel mo nyari alvin. tp pas disana gak ketemu. nah pas di dalem, pas uda mau balik ke kamar, cowo cowo pada teriak 'eh ada suster weh ada suster'. nah si phel langsung ngumpet tuh di kolong kasur, gua kebingungan mau ngumpet dimana, jd ngumpet dulu di sebelah kasur tingkat. trs kan kirain uda aman, uda mau balik, eh pada teriak ada suster lagi, alhasil ngumpet lagi lah si phel di kolon g dan kali ini gua ikutan ditarik -.- yg kocak, cowo cowo pada ikut ketakutan juga, ada yg blg 'mampus kalo ketauan nyembunyiin cewe' wahaha. trs setelah kiranya aman, gua ma phel disuru cowo cowo keluar lewat pintu belakang. keluarlah kita bedua. pas jalan balik, kan lewat kamar nya ciyin ma tintin, mereka lg pada diluar, trs mereka manggil, eh pas lg ngobrol tiba tiba suster dateng teriak2 nyuru balik. untung aja ga ketauan dr kamar cowo. hihi.
nah pas uda "aman" di kamar. gua ma phel cerita2 ke cewe2 yg laen. hihi. sempet ngumpul gitu di kamar ndy n mao, ngobrol2. tdnya semua pd rencana gamau tidur. eh trnyt malah pd tepar. yg masih bertahan cm gua phel tela. main uno lah kita di kamar gua ma phel sambil makan cha-cha nya phel. haha. petama si phel ngusulin mau ke tempat cowo lg, tp gua saking trauma nya jd gamau haha. trs kan tdnya emg rencana ny si tale ciyin tintin mau main ke kamar, cuma takut ketauan. pas uda jam stenga 2an gitu kita tepon2an *gratis ini haha*. trs krn merasa sudah cukup aman, larilah mereka ke villa panitia cewe. pas gua liat2 di luar, di villa panitia cowo masi pd rame gitu, pd lg maen haha. trs ada cowo yg dtg ke kamar panitia cewe, gua lupa sapa, pokonya ada si alvin juga, pd ngajak ke tempat cowo yg jauh itu, ktnya disana lg pd rame2 nonton bola. rame2 lah kita kesana mengendap2. pas disana, tenyata bnyk bener yg lg pd ntn bola sambil gelap2an, ada juga yg maen capsa. hihi. rame abiss. trs lama2 mule bnyk yg nyusul juga tuh cewe2. haha. tp pas ud jam 2an gtu, gua mule ngantuk. masuklah ke kamar tempatnya abet. mo bobo di kasurnya yg gede untuk sendiri itu haha. tp takut krn ada adriel sama brandon, wkwk. jd minta temenin abet hehe. trs diluar lama2 makin sepi ajah. yg cewe2 jg ud pd balik. tinggal gua phel tela. si phel ma alvin ud tepar duluan beduaan, kasian kasurnya sempit2an hehe. gila tu sepanjang subuh gua ma abet ga tidur, ckck. si abet disuru tidur gamau, ga tidur juga deh gua haha. pas jam berapa gitu, msi ad jg tuh yg nton bola, tp diem2. haha. rd serem juga, soalnya pas lg tidur2an, ada suara kentongan gitu berkali2. bikin tambah gabisa tdr deh. huh. ga lama ada si ciyin ma tintin dtg, tintin malah nanyain ada makanan gak, haha. si tela tidur tp cm bentaran di kamar geka. trs gua nyalain alarm jam 4 *jaga2 klo ktiduran hihi*. pas ud jam 4an gitu, gua ke kamar geka, tenyata tiba2 ada chele disana haha. akhirnya gua pun bangunin phel, mau suru balik ke kamar. kita balik dari pintu blakang juga, ngendap2 juga ckck. ud kek maling apaan tau haha. tela kontek2an ma cumi, takut2 kl ada guru, kan si cumi kade di villa panitia cowo pd ga tdr jg tuh haha. balik2 ke kamar, gua tela phel main uno dan makan cha2 lagi. haha. trs phel dan tela mala tdr lg. bentaran doank. trs jam 5 kurang gua bgunin deh. hehe.

abis itu pagi pagi kita ngumpul semua dan makan pagi, hmm yummy haha. trs abs itu ngumpul lagi, foto kelas pake baju yg kembar semua itu, abs itu hiking deh. bisa gila gua rasanya jalan selama itu. mana pegel, jauh, serem pula krn sawahnya rada curam, licin pula ckck. gila dah. untung gak ada yg knapa2. hehe. trs selese hiking, pd cuci kaki dan bersihin sendal sepatu gitu pk air sungai hehe. gua kira itu tuh uda gak usah naik2 lg, ternyata buat nyampe k villa ratunya itu mesti naek2 tangga, trs msh jalan lagi. gila gak tuh. ckck. capek banget. trs ngeliat bnyk yg nyebur ke kolam, gua ma yg laen ikutan nyebur juga. parahnya, guru2 pada ditarik2 n digotong trs diceburin. haha. kocak dhe. seru gila. abis pd brenang, trs pd mandi. abs mandi kita makan siang. trs packing2. abs itu naik ke bus deh mau pulang. hihi. gila gua ngantuk sumpah. saking gak tidurnya. naek2 ke bus lsg pasang headset buat dgr lagu, trs tdr haha. petama2 kebangun2 dlu jg sih hehe. trs nyampe2 di jakarta jam 3/4 sore gitu. pulang deh keruma masing2 hehe.

duh, sayang banget gua ma kalian! rasanya ga pengen pisah deh, sedih banget mesti pisah ma kalian, huhu. emang sih ada yg gak ikut pepisahan, tapi gua tetep sayang kalian! makasih banyak ya temen2, buat memori2 selama masa SMP ini yg uda lu semua kasih buat gua, yg udah kita jalanin bareng2. dan maaf juga atas sikap2 gua, kalo kita pernah brantem, kalo gua ada salah ma kalian, kalo gua pernah dendam ato marah ma kalian, maafin gua yah. gua sayang banget ma kalian semua, dan selalu pengen ketemu ma kalian. keep in touch ya friends, good bye :)

farewell, oh no!! - panitia perpisahan

2009-07-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

ya ya ya gua tau perpisahan sudah lama lewat, tapi gak ada kata terlambat donk buat nyeritain segalanya tentang p-e-r-p-i-s-a-h-a-n? hehe..

mulai dari awalnya jadi panitia perpisahan.. hmm seru abiss.. para panitia antara lain, gua, yogi, dora, cei, tela, ndy, moudy, yekha, nelson, cumi, teobano, phel, alvin, angel, via.. gila pas rapat nya gokil2an abiss.. pd rusuh.. bukan nya rapat malah bikin rusuh.. ada lah gua yg candid2in orang, ada cei cumi yogi yg bikin video drag me to hell versi amatiran, phel ndy yg maen sims di laptop via, dan ahmpir semua anak yg main uno dan bikin rusuh sana sini, kejar2an, teriak2an, apa lah.. malah pas hr terakir rapat si ndy nangis grgr disodorin balon ma yogi cumi.. haha.. ad juga ribut2 dikit kalo ad yg gak mau kerja,, hmm.. tp seru hihi.. dan ada pula gua yg kesel sama yeka dan cumi yg bikin melar sarung hp gua dan ngeledekin gua trs2an akan suatu hal yg *eurgh* masih gua benci sampe sekarang.. ckck.. pokoknya panitia perpisahan smp nd 08/09 paling top boss.. kita juga bikin kaos sendiri ber15 gitu warna ijo.. hihi.. kapan2 dhe gua cantumkan fotonya haha.. kita wktu itu sempet jalan2 bareng trs ntn terminator gitu di puri.. seru seru seru abiss deh.. ga nyesel djadiin panitia perpisahan.. ank2nya fun semua.. hihi..

i got many things to say

2009-07-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

wow udah lama banget gak nulis blog ya, since the last on April 27th hehe.. sebenernya sih bnyk bgt yang pengen diceritain dsini.. cuma gatau knp, males aja rasanya haha.. blog ku tidak terurus hehe.. ni gatau aja kenapa tiba2 pengen nulis blog, gak bisa tidur hihi.. gw tau sih ni blog ga bakal ada yg baca karena MOST isinya gak penting semua haha.. yg jelas gua seneng banget karena ud LULUS smp!! yeehaaa! haha.. waktu denger lulusan aja sampe nangis gitu meluk nyokp haha.. tp sedih juga sih krn ud perpisahan ma temen2.. sedih bgt rasanya mesti pisah lg.. huff.. nnti sepertinya akan ada bbrp part blog yg menceritakan satu per satu hahah.. semoga gua rajin.. hihi..

first day UAN!

2009-04-27T03:57:00.000-07:00

whoaa gak nyangka loh hampir sudah 3tahun berada di smp, eh gataunya ud UAN aja hihi. aduh hari ini pertama UAN. deg2an juga haha. disuruh jd ketua kls, mimpin barisan kek anak TK, trs pimpin doa dan beri salam. yups kek berasa jd guru TK gua. haha. nih jadwal UAN nya. haha.

Senin, 27 April 2009 : Bahasa Indonesia
Selasa, 28 April 2009 : Bahasa Inggris
Rabu, 29 April 2009 : Matematika
Kamis, 30 April 2009 : IPA

Bedehh.. yang laen sih msih mayan bisa, IPAnya itu lohh. mat sih tdnya gabisa tp krn ud blajar ya jd mayan bisa. nah IPA gak bisa2 gua haha. huh. gua sih gak nargetin nilai mau dapet brapa, tserah Tuhan aja mao ngasih gua nilai brp atas usaha gua. hahah. yang pnting smoga dapet bgus, klo bisa sih bingg nya dpt bgus. hehe. sedih klo ngga x(

Pokoknya, wish us luck for all the students in Indonesia, wish we pass all the exam with good score, pass 100%!! eeyayyy :)

for you to know

2009-04-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

I am just thinking that you should really know this
What I am feeling about you
Cause you just don't know
I wont ever tell you or anyone else
I just keep it to myself
And let them know themselves
You don't know that I am afraid
Afraid of something that is so silly
Silly if I tell my friends and they will just laugh at me for sure
It is something that really close to me, and It's getting closer to us both
It's something that you had in the past
Well, you didn't really own it, cause you had never got it in your life
And you don't know what I am feeling
What I am feeling when I am beside you
Feeling happy and glad to be yours
To have you beside me
But you just don't know how happy I am
And how afraid I am to lose you
I don't wanna lose you
But I don't know why, sometimes I just feel left
I feel ignored and even nobody cares
I always wonder why you do that
And you don;t know how it hurts me much when I feel ignored
It's spinning around my mind, inside my head
You don;t know
That I have loved you much since that day
And now I love you much
But I don't think you can feel it too
You just can't feel how much I love you
That's why you don't care sometimes
I miss the moment
When you said 'i love you' when we were gonna say good bye
And when you hold my hands and hug me, I don't want you to leave me alone
I need you beside me
I just want you to know that I love you
And I don;t wanna lose you
So please, always be there for me
Always be beside me
Cause i love you, and I need you
You, and I, together...

-angelswastika-
19.04.09

just expressing a present feeling

2009-04-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know why
I feel this some times
Like when you don't care about me
When you ignore me and leave me for your friends
It seems like you don;t care anymore about me
Especially nowadays
I feel like you're changing time by time, day by day
I don't know why
I need you beside me
But you're never available for me anymore
I don't wanna miss anything
But the fact now i miss everything
You know what,
I miss the moments we usually spent together
I miss the moments when you made me happy, when you made me laugh or smile
I miss the moments when you loved me too much
I miss the moments when you said 'i love you' when we were gonna say goodbye in a day
I miss the moments when you hugged me
I miss the moments when you kissed my cheek
I miss the moments when you whispered some words to me
Don't you know that?
Don't you feel it too?
Don't you feel the same?
Don't you understand?
Don't you realize it?
I can feel it..
But I just don't tell anyone else
I just keep it to myself
Only God and I know
You're getting far and farther each day
I don't know if you're deliberating or not
Each time I ask you, you always say that I'm too over
Well, maybe It's just my feeling
That I keep inside my heart
But, hey, I'm a sensitive girl!
I can feel it
Even though you say NO, but I feel it as a YES
Are you avoiding me these days?
I don' know
But I want you to answer me
I'm afraid
I'm afraid of losing you
Really, I have loved you
And I'm afraid with the things happened around us
I'm afraid they will influence you
I don't need you to be always beside me every time and everyday
But I just need you to show that you care for me
That you love me so
That you love me as much as you did
But I think you just don't love me as you did, right?
I can feel it
Please be honest to me
Don't just keep it as yours
It's ours to talk about
I miss you much, really
I want to talk to you
I want to hug you
And maybe I want to cry on your shoulder if I can
I love you
I'm really afraid to lose you
I don't wanna get mad at you
So I always try to be patient
Whatever you do, it will always be okay for me
Don't avoid me, please
I need you beside me

Even I know, it will happen to me like it has happened to my friends, you will leave me, soones, or later T.T

"aku sayang kamu, jangan gini yah"

-angelswastika-

hey it's my first post!

2009-04-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

Wiiw it's my first post. Well, bingung mau tulis apaan hahaha. It's 11.13pm here when i started to write a post. I should have slept actually because i got an exam for tommorow, yeah, Indonesian and PLKJ. I didn't even study ;P
Semalem gua nginep di rumah Renny-my beloved girlfriend(cousin)- dan semalem becanda gila-gilaan sm ci Rika juga. Haha. Intinya yg bikin gue ngakak abis, waktu liat muka renny panik waktu gue kerjain! Haha.
Hari ini Paskah, happy easter, all! Tadi ke Gereja Blok B sm renny dan ci rika, ikut misa anak-anak, terus ke starbucks bentar hihi. Terus tadi juga ke sushinaga makan dan showroom mobil liat-liat mobil sm om tante sekeluarga -.-
Pulang-pulang ke rumah nyalain laptop, bingung bgt inet nya gakbisa nyala, sial! Haha tp setelah dikuatk atik eh bisa juga sih. Haha. Abis itu tidur dan bangun-bangun ngerjain tugas komp dan nyari2 jawaban uas PLKJ. Udah tau sih soalnya hahaha.
And now this time im writing a post, gaktau kenapa jadi pengen aja buat blog, dulu pernah sih bikin tapi gak keurus sama sekali karena cuma buat tugas haha. Doain aja ya moga-moga sampe besok besok dan besok, ini blog keurus sama gua haha.
Well, I admit it is an akward first post! :)
Good night everyone, wish you all have a wonderful night :)